I love doing nothing

I love doing nothing.   That doesn’t mean I love having nothing to do.  I need action to a point, but nothingness to me means having the freedom to decide what I want to do and allow how I feel to shape my day.    I live in New York City and have always marveled at the hectic pace many people choose to live in.  I used to stare out the window during morning rush hour and actually, physically feel stressed and overwhelmed when watching others going to work.   These feelings I’ve lived with often made me feel idle and inferior to how I was told the proper way to live was.  As feelings of insignificance and worthlessness took hold of me for not being consciously motivated to create an existence where the greater number of my hours were accounted for, I shut down and pulled away from my surroundings even more.  I felt judgment when asked “what do you do, and how do you spend your time?” I wanted to scream out, “I want to spend days lying in bed reading books, watching movies, and just allowing my imagination to roam”.

I am challenged daily with technology.   I am a learner in progress when it comes to all things computers.  My aversion is such that it could take 20 demonstrations of a simple procedure to retain what I need to know.  I often feel embarrassed to ask others for help because I know these are things that they’ve been doing for years and are as automatic as breathing.

Since I started on my current path in animal and human intuition, I have come to understand slowly but surely that how I felt and still feel is more than okay.  I don’t have financial riches, but I am wealthy in ways that are precious and fulfilling.  I know why I do what I do in a way that I never quite pinpointed before.  I am a hypersensitive empath who gets overstimulated easily whether it’s noise, sunlight or someone in my face who’s invading my personal space and draining me.

An antidote to all of this is my cat Bubby.  Whenever she walks into a room, I immediately either smile or feel enormous love.  I refer to her as my furry ball of love and consciousness who always soothes and calms the anxious energy I so often feel.  Unlike humans, I never get tired or bored of her.  Everything she does is adorable and interesting, and it never, ever, gets old.   When I’m in the darkest of moods, just laying with her and having that physical contact, especially touching her warm belly, makes me realize how transient all my worries are.  She provides me with a depth of knowledge that can transform the hurt that comes up in this world filled with so much sadness and lack of progress.  Bubby saves me all the time, and because of her, it’s impossible to really do nothing when I’m connecting to her.

 

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